Where do you want to be? What do you want to be? What’s your aim? Because I surely don’t know.
I though perhaps I want to be a programmer, to pose new challenges to myself and get paid to do so. To be assigned a task and to complete it to my best ability over and over. I’m good at the whole task thing. I’m going to university to study computer science in 7 months, so that I can follow that very road.
Now I wonder if I’d rather just get a job, something like the house manager at my local arts centre/theatre. That seems the sort of job for me. To be on my feet helping others, wired into the very workings of the day to day life there. To know the whole building inside out, to know where everything is and where it needs to be. That’s very me.
Not some unnecessary cog in a multinational cooperation.
Part of me wishes to leave education asap. To go. Move into the world and find my own feet. To just get a job, a house and to do as I wish. But the sensible side of me knows that uni is the best option for me, whether as a backup or not.
Didn’t some guy once say do whatever makes you happy?
I look at those in my local arts centre and every single one of them enjoys their job. Not one of them looks like they’d rather be anywhere else. They finish their shift and walk straight to the bar to drink with colleagues above and below their pay grade. Every single one of them smiles backs they’re in such a vibrant and buzzing place.
Then I look at mum, she works for a multinational corporation and wishes she could be doing anything but that. She hates it. Everyday she comes home and she tells of how those she works with fight and bicker, how they’re screwing over he pension and how all the employee rating schemes are horribly flawed and just create tension between her team. I swore I’d never let myself end up like that because I know it would simply destroy me.
Then I look at my dad, he works a bit, sure, but he hates that and he much prefers his time spent watching TV and doing puzzles. He’s a great man and he has some amazing skills but I don’t want to be like that, I’m not the sort of person that can just sit and do nothing like him. I need to be doing something; something I enjoy.
So what do I do? I suppose I slave myself away and join a multinational corporation as a programmer, I know that will happen. I chose my road a long time ago.
And sure, I’ll sit and watch the jobs lists of the theaters, and I’ll apply to each job, but I won’t go. I already know.
This is my life.
On Games and Life 